As a little girl, my parents gave us money for upkeep whenever we were going back to school. We called it pocket money. I had this habit of saving and managing mine, but my sister always spent hers. Whenever emergency bills came, I’d have to support her with mine. I hated doing that so much, it made me look foolish. How can I starve myself to feed someone else who was given the same amount as myself? The anger in my heart got worse when things sometimes got bad at home and I’d have to take out of my savings to share.
As time went on, things didn’t change much. I got angrier at my parents, I blamed them for the way things turned out in our family and I fought the thoughts of sending money home. I battled with myself on the subject of giving. I dwelt so much in unforgiveness without realizing it.
Getting close to the Holy Spirit births unimaginable revelations. As I progressed in my journey with Him, this futility of my actions came to light.
Titilope Sunoga in her song Feast said,
“Inside your mother’s kitchen is a boiling pot, Inside the pot All the things she’ll forget to teach you about becoming.
Forgive her, She is a starving woman too And you’re old enough to feed yourself now, so feast.”
I started to understand that my parents did the best they could for my siblings and I, and things turned out the way they did because they are flawed beings as well.
I’m taking steps to let go of this anger and bitterness and to truly forgive, not for my parents or my siblings, but for myself.
I’m trusting God on this journey.